I grew up in a family where the theme song could have been “The Queen of Denial”. There were secrets about everything including my mother’s first marriage. I was able to figure it out when my parents celebrated their anniversary and my older sister’s age was older than the years they were married. It was awful to feel betrayed.

So how honest should you be with your children? What topics are on the table? Do you discuss your past drug or alcohol use, your past problems with the law? Do you share your current family financial problems? What are the boundaries?

1. Keep in mind the age and level of understanding of your child. Gear your information to that.
2. Children can sense when there is something wrong. So even if you don’t discuss a problem in their presence, they are usually aware of the stress.
3. Honesty is the best policy. It is true when it comes to children too.
4. Children trust their parents. If they learn that there has been dishonesty from their parents depending on how bad the untruth is and the age of the child, it can be devastating. It doesn’t mean it cannot be repaired, but it may take time and professional help.
5. Not knowing can make children think things are worse than than they really are. Childrens’ imagination can work overtime if they wonder.
6. When it concerns your past, sharing information that can come out later, such as drug usage, being incarcerated, etc. can be told in small doses as your child is able to understand. Keeping this a secret will only make it worse when it comes time to tell your child.
7. If your child is adopted, the same applies as above. Make it part of their life from when they are young.
8. Seek professional help if there is something that is painful to discuss.

What are some of the things you have had to share with your child? How did you handle it?